so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
