dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Houston, we have a squirter
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
