i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
