At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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