His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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