i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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