just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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