You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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