just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
