Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
