I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
