I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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