I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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