i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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