I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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