My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
