i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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