You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
