i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
