Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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