someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
