You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
