oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
