I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
