so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
smell my finger.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
