Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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