so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
