why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
