Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
