So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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