Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
