I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
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