a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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