You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
