i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
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Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
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I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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