im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
