Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
