I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I am one with the molecules
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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