Welp...herpes.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
