Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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