And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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