that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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