Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
