just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
