Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
