would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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