bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
