Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
