I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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