So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
