I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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