He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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