So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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