there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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