I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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