i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
