Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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