guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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