A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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