That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Fuck appropriateness.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
