from now on my penis is your penis
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
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I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
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He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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