We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
