just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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